The “naked no”

Ever feel like the demands on your time are just endless?

Please enjoy this important excerpt from The Gift of No!

 

Compare what I call a “naked no,” a no without an explanation (a simple “I’m not available” or “I can’t make it” for example) with the too much information (TMI) version of the same statement: “I won’t be able to go because I have a fitting for the dress I’m wearing to my brother’s wedding.”

Beautiful someone, in the first case, no means no. Not much to talk about because the naked no doesn’t leave the door open for discussion or give someone information they can use to take down our boundary.

In the TMI version, we’ve practically invited the person to say, “The fitting’s on Thursday? That’s three days away! You have plenty of time to move the appointment and help me instead!” or “Those appointments are easy to change. All you have to do is call them. They’re very flexible!” or “A fitting? That’s why you can’t make it? Seriously?”

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Love the ride: it gives the gift of lessons we can’t get any other way

An excerpt for you from Dream Come True…enjoy!

 

The road to success is full of potholes and detours.

Beautiful someone, there’s a reason this became a cliché — it’s because it’s true!

It’s a bumpy road no matter where we’re headed. We know that, I mean it makes sense. But it’s easier to know than it is to handle. Who actually wants to accept tough times and frustrating days as givens in life?

The problem is, no matter how hard we try to avoid them, mistakes and bad days find us anyway. We say the wrong thing. Get distracted online and waste massive amounts of time. Fall asleep when we should be studying. Make the wrong decision, sometimes even when we’re trying our hardest. Things happen, too — the flat tire, the email that didn’t go through, the critical appointment we miss. Read More

From worries to puppies and rainbows

Yes Changes Everything!Happy February, beautiful someone! Please enjoy this excerpt from Yes Changes Everything!

 

We’re going to worry. It’s just part of being alive and involved in life — in a relationship, career, house, body, family — there’s a lot to worry about. But what if we thought about it this way:

It’s not worth worrying about things we can change because we can take action to change them. We can do things to influence them to move in the direction we want them to go. So instead of worrying, we can simply take action and know that we’re doing everything we can to move these things in a good direction.

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Great experiences don’t always feel great

Yes Changes Everything!January 15, 2009

Shortly after takeoff, US Airways Flight 1549 loses power in both engines. In what aviators call a “bird strike,” a flock of geese flying straight into the plane’s propellers has disabled them instantly.

In the cockpit, Captain Sully Sullenberger quickly realizes it would be impossible to reach any airport, meaning a crash landing is his only option. Drawing on 42 years of aviation experience, he steers the plane — a giant jetliner called and Airbus — into the Hudson River, gliding to a safe landing that spares the lives of 155 passengers and crew members.

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Love changes us

Happy October, beautiful someone!

A long time ago, I was taking a fitness class in New York City. It was early morning, a Saturday in the middle of winter. I was going through a seriously bad patch — my husband had decided he was done with marriage. This was a shock, and I hurt everywhere. I remember thinking, “Now I know I have a soul because I can feel it tearing in half.”

I’ve never been good at hiding my feelings, so I’m sure I looked pretty bad. Anyway, after class the instructor walked over to me, put an arm around my shoulder and squeezed tight. Then she turned to me. “I don’t know what you’re going through, but you’re going to be okay,” she said. After all the yelling at home, I think my knees must have given way a little at the gentleness in her voice.

“I want to give you something,” she said.

She reached into her pocket and took out $100 bill which she pressed into my hand.

“This is for you—and only for you,” she said. “Do something nice for yourself with it.”

Before I could say anything, she gave me a hug and walked away.

I watched her, my mouth hanging open, the money in my hand.

I still remember

Everything at home moved fast after that, and I never ended up going back to that studio. Still, divorce, meeting the love of my life, remarriage and two babies later, I remember that day so vividly. It was a moment when I experienced pure love — someone understanding that I was in pain and, like an angel, being inexplicably generous to me, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

I like to think that experience did more than just make an impression on me. It changed the way I thought about love and generosity. It was so powerful that it made me want to do more than just receive love. It made me want to pass love on by looking for chances to be generous in small and big ways.

Let love change us

And reading this story, maybe you do too, beautiful someone? Maybe together we can follow my angel instructor’s example by giving financially when we can, but also by letting a car in on the highway. Smiling at that annoying guy at CVS. Letting the harried mom with two small kids go ahead of us in line at the store. Telling the waiter who brought the wrong drink that it’s “totally no big deal.” Dropping a few extra groceries off at the food pantry. Raking an elderly neighbor’s leaves.

And remembering that love, in itself, doesn’t change things.

Love changes us, and we change things.