Please enjoy this excerpt from my next Blossie @work book:
Keep Cool in Hot Situations…at Work!
No time to read? Listen here!
If you sometimes hear yourself giving in to unhealthy compromise or blame-shifting at work, keep two things in mind:
First, so does everyone else, especially on days when we’re rushed or not feeling strong. On these days, all someone has to do is say the wrong thing, and we’re reacting before we even realize it.
Second, the impulse to “do anything” to get out of a stressful conflict is normal. Who wouldn’t want to avoid the stress of a conflict?
But when avoidance isn’t possible, stay strong and empowered by leaning in to accountability (a true power move) and responding to conflict with: “No worries. I’ve got it,” “Happy to take that on,” and “That happened on my watch,” like these examples:
- Unhealthy compromise: “I’ll do anything — even cut my fees — just not to hear this client complain about yet another invoice.”
Blame shifting: “I have no choice. Clients are all like this. They just want to wear you down on fees. It’s just the way they are.”
Strong: “I’ll quote my fees up front. Then, even if I decide to lower my fees to keep the business, at least they’ll know that I’m giving them an exceptional deal. I’ll use this situation to build some goodwill with them.”
- Unhealthy compromise: “I’ll look the other way even though I believe this is the wrong approach. I just don’t want to fight with her about how we do this type of project.”
Blame-shifting: “She’s just impossible to work with. She never sees anything other than her own way.”
Strong: “I’ll state my case again, maybe in different words this time and briefly, to reinforce how strongly I feel about how to work on this. My goal will be to meet in the middle on at least a few things.”
- Unhealthy compromise: “Look, he’s great at what he does. So even though it makes me crazy and sets a bad example for everyone else, I’m going to look the other way when he comes in late and has a bad attitude in meetings.”
Blame shifting: “He’s impossible to work with, but that’s because his last boss put up with it. I can’t change him now.”
Strong: “He needs to make at least one small change or I’m not going to give him the floor in meetings so his attitude can hurt us. And I won’t look the other way when he comes in late.”
Do you hear the difference?
From passive acceptance to empowered action.
From hopeless to hopeful.
From stuck to soaring.
Take the Strong route, and you arrive on the other side of conflict not only more effective, but more confident for next time.
It’s been around a while…the saying, “The only way out is through.” But you know what? Sometimes the BEST way out is through. Hard to believe when you’re in the middle of a tough situation, but actively handling the conflict — meeting it head on, trusting that it has something worthwhile to teach you and that it will build your confidence in ways nothing else can — has far too much to offer to let the opportunity slip through your fingers!