No time to read? Listen here:
What does it really mean to honor our feelings?
Here’s an excerpt from my upcoming book,
The Beautiful Road, where I dive into this question.
Our feelings are one of the most beautiful and authentic parts of who we are. They’re like rivers of truth that run through us, carrying information from our deepest memories about what matters to us, what hurts us, and what brings us joy.
These emotions aren’t random or unimportant reactions. They’re the wisdom of our experiences talking to us and often protecting us from repeating mistakes. They deserve to be heard and respected with compassion. In fact, we ignore them at our peril.
Something sacred
Strong words, I know, beautiful someone, because they come from a place of pain — for myself and for anyone who’s ever been told things like,
“Don’t let it get to you. Just ignore it.”
“That makes no sense. How could you possibly feel that way?”
“No one else has complained about that. There must be something wrong with you.”
“That’s not upsetting! How could it bother you?”
“C’mon, it was just a joke. You have no sense of humor.”
“That was months ago. You’re still upset? Why do you hold onto things?”
“You’re too emotional — calm down.”
“Don’t be so sensitive.”
“You should be grateful; other people have it worse.”
“Stop crying—it won’t solve anything.”
“It’s not that big a deal—just move on.”
“You’re reading too much into it.”
“Why can’t you just be happy?”
Unfortunately, this list could go on for pages.
But here’s the point — words like these silence something sacred inside us: the chance to trust what we know, draw on what we’ve lived, and figure out for ourselves how to respond to what’s happening around us and to us.
Emotional immaturity
Statements like these don’t always come from people trying to be cruel. Sometimes they come from people who don’t know how to face their own emotions and so feel threatened by ours. Emotional immaturity makes their first impulse to dismiss or demean what they don’t understand. They rush to quiet us because listening to us would mean they’d have to confront whatever’s unresolved in them.
It’s not our depth that unsettles them. It’s their own lack of it.
Regardless, when someone tells us to “calm down” or “get over it,” they’re actually asking us to do something that can be harmful. Studies have found that suppressing feelings actually intensifies them instead of muting or erasing them. And consistently denying genuine emotions can lead to increased stress, lowered immunity to illness, and even cardiovascular problems.
Just as we wouldn’t ignore our physical pain because it makes others uncomfortable, we shouldn’t ignore our own emotional pain (or passion for that matter) to keep other people comfortable.
Our feelings aren’t inconveniences that need to be managed, and feeling deeply isn’t a flaw. It’s a sign that we’re awake and paying attention to the world within and around us.
So…
Next time someone tells you you’re “too sensitive,” let their limitations be an invitation to you: respect what rises within you and trust it.
Like this:
“Don’t let it get to you. Just ignore it.” “I’d rather feel than numb myself.”
“That makes no sense. How could you possibly feel that way?” “My feelings don’t need to make sense to you in order to be valid.”
“No one else has complained about that. There must be something wrong with you.” “Different people, different reactions. Mine is as real as anyone else’s.”
“That’s not upsetting! How could it bother you?” “You decide what bothers you. I decide what bothers me.”
“C’mon, it was just a joke. You have no sense of humor.” “I didn’t get it. What exactly was funny about what you said? And, if it were truly funny, we’d both be laughing.”
“That was months ago. You’re still upset? Why do you hold onto things?” “You misunderstand me. I’m not holding on. I’m still healing.”
“You’re too emotional — calm down.” “I’m expressing what I feel. That’s healthy, not excessive. And by the way, telling someone to calm down has never calmed anyone down.”
“Don’t be so sensitive.” “My sensitivity helps me notice what others miss and it lets me connect deeply. I don’t apologize for that.”
“You should be grateful; other people have it worse.” “Other people’s pain doesn’t erase mine.”
“Stop crying — it won’t solve anything.” “Crying is how I’m processing this. It’s not a problem to fix.”
“It’s not that big a deal — just move on.” “I’ll decide what’s a big deal to me.”
“You’re reading too much into it.” “Untrue. I’m seeing what’s actually there.”
“Why can’t you just be happy?” “I’m human and humans experience a full range of feelings.”
Not sorry, at all
Beautiful someone, when we stop apologizing for our sensitivity, we can start to trust it. Every feeling, no matter how uncomfortable, is a messenger leading us back to authenticity and self-understanding.
And when we come to know ourselves in this gentle, honest way, we also see other people through a compassionate lens — offering them the same understanding we’ve finally learned to give ourselves.
Dig deeper:
Dream Come True: How love, gratitude and simplicity can bring your beautiful dream to life
You, Beautiful: Getting gorgeous from the inside out
#SelfCompassion #EmotionalWellbeing #SelfRespect #EmotionalIntelligence #HealthyBoundaries #SelfAwareness #EmotionalWellness #NoMoreApologies